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  "path": "/people-who-hate-small-talk",
  "publishedAt": "2026-02-05T22:39:11.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.upworthy.com",
  "tags": [
    "Social skills",
    "Small talk",
    "Conversation tips",
    "Human connection",
    "Questions to ask",
    "Conversation hacks",
    "Conversation starters",
    "Making friends",
    "Social science",
    "_small talk._",
    "_small talk_",
    "_conversation_",
    "_Michael Baker,_",
    "Photo credit: Canva",
    "Photo credit: Canva",
    "Photo credit: Canva",
    "_here._"
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  "textContent": "\n\n\n\nYou probably heard plenty of people say they hate _small talk._ You might even consider yourself someone who loathes it. One of the most common arguments against _small talk_ is that it’s “superficial,” energy draining, and doesn’t foster a real human connection.\n\nWell, according to British etiquette enthusiast and content creator on all things _conversation_-related (not to mention author) _Michael Baker,_ “You don’t hate small talk. You’re just terrible at it.”\n\nIn an Instagram post, Baker argued that those who see small talk as “beneath them” are failing to see it as a “test” (for compatibility, connection, shared values, etc.), which will inevitably lead to getting “left out.”\n\nHe then gave five tips to help folks shift that mindset and make small talk work for them. Honestly, even those who aren’t adamantly against small talk might find themselves guilty of some of these mistakes and could benefit from making these tweaks.\n\nYoung man holds up his hand to show five.Photo credit: Canva\n\n**#1 Avoid answering questions too literally**\n\nPerhaps in an attempt to be authentic, or to avoid taking up all the oxygen in the room, people might use responses that are accurate and succinct, but not exactly conversational. This doesn’t give the other person anything to “bounce off of,” which is what’s really being asked for.\n\nTo remedy this, Baker suggests to always give a real response plus a “hook.” He gave the example of saying “Mostly work, but I’m trying to teach myself how to play guitar. Chaos!” when asked, “What have you been up to?” rather than saying “Not much, just working.”\n\n**#2 Don’t ask questions like it’s a job interview**\n\nBaker says ask “open-ended, low-stakes” questions like “what’s keeping you busy outside of work?” to invite a sense of “play.” Conversely, asking things like “where are you from?” invites a sense of formality, pressuring people to “perform.”\n\nTwo women having a conversation at a coffee shop. Photo credit: Canva\n\n**#3 Allow depth to come in naturally**\n\nSince the thought of shallow conversation might seem uncomfortable, those who are small talk-averse might find themselves immediately asking overarching existential questions like, “What drives you?” Baker argues that one must trust that “shallow comes before depth,” and must be used as a “warm-up act.” Otherwise, people are put on the spot unnecessarily, which obviously doesn't foster connection.\n\n**#4 Initiate conversation instead of only speaking when spoken to**\n\nWhat may seem like “politeness” can come across as unapproachable. The good thing is: this is an opportunity for some “low-pressure,” even “lightly self-deprecating” observations. Baker used the example of saying, “That snack table’s dangerously close to me.”\n\n**#5 Treat small talk as the “main event”**\n\nTwo women talking as the leave a yoga classPhoto credit: Canva\n\nThis might be the biggest tip of all. Here, Baker reminds us that for the majority of human interaction, small talk is the way in, and therefore should be “respected.” Virtually no one is going to say, “Let’s network,” but odds are they’ll easily comment on the weather. It’s our job to learn what they’re really saying with this mundane phrase.\n\nBecause, at the end of the day, “if you keep waiting for ‘real’ conversation, you’ll miss all the real opportunities,” Baker writes.\n\nAfter reading these tips, you very well might still loathe the idea of small talk, which is totally fine. It doesn’t have to be for everyone, nor should it. But what Baker really presents here is a way to reflect on whether or not our attitudes are preventing us from making valuable connections. If we suspect that might be the case, then it could be worth experimenting with some of these tools.\n\nIf you’d like even more tips, Baker has a guide aptly titled __Let’s Not Make It Weird,__ which you can check out _here._",
  "title": "British etiquette expert shares 5 simple tips for people who think they're 'above small talk'"
}