Any dumb eReaders? Kindle/Kobo/BOOX/Nook usability questions!

TL;DR: What I'm seeking: wired transfer of books from iPad/iPhone or PC to the eReader ePUB, PDF, and other format compatibility (or the ability to jailbreak and get compatibility) dumb storage, the ability to use w/o ever connecting to wifi, no company having access to my library, pushing software updates, etc. I've been wanting to [...]