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  "path": "/f/yourpersonalblog/14649",
  "publishedAt": "2026-03-07T04:32:44.000Z",
  "site": "https://jstpst.net",
  "textContent": "Ikea, minutes before opening.\n\nMy fingers in my bag search for my phone, but they meet my pepper spray as I approach the pickup doors. I interrogate the plunger and I feel out what I feared - it had wiggled loose of its meager safety and was ready to fire with an errant plunge.\n\nI surreptitiously fix it, fingers still in my bag (so that I don't worry people), and I pull a receipt out of my bag. I put it in my left back pocket, which is where I put all my receipts. But, the receipt being long, I have to get my hands deep in my back pocket.\n\nIt's at this point I should tell you that I have the visual demeanor of a Serious Person. I am told I have Resting Bitch Face. I look like some sort of \"Art Faggot\" swaddled in a humbling spring coat.\n\nPulling my hands out of my pocket, I decide to check for signs of an accidental depression of the pepper spray plunger. I tentatively sniff my fingers. Far from my nose at first, but then more deeply.\n\nMy sniff test returns no hint of the spice. But I catch this sort of half-scowling glance from an older woman. I meet her gaze. She turns away. I do too.\n\nDo I need to spell out how this looked? It looks like I dug my fingers into my own ass crack, and then sniffed them afterwards.",
  "title": "hey lady. i had a real good reason for sniffing my fingers.",
  "updatedAt": "2026-03-07T04:32:44.000Z"
}