When your friends fall

Working in the software industry has an image Google and others have created. Big cafeterias, big bean bags, and arcade cabinets and ping pong.

When working in the smaller start ups. There is a tight knit culture and a strong bond through the ups and downs that come with finding a niche and self organizing.

I've been in the industry for 9 years. Along the way I have seen 3 layoffs. One I left the company before it occurred. This week we had 11 people laid off out of a 70 person company. 5 of which were my colleagues and friends.

I return to work today knowing they are no longer here, no longer getting a paycheck and knowing my own circumstances it would not be pretty. Like 70% of the United States I live paycheck to paycheck. I have fur babies, no kids. I recently got married to my love. Many of these friends have children, large responsibilities.

My role is expected to have a "sphere of influence". Yet the relationships I've built over the past 4 years continues to be under siege. My "influence" that was built with true compassion, lending a hand, and getting on each others level is cut short. And yet I am expected to continue on.

In these moments I ask myself why move the tides like the moon. Why send my rays to make things grow. Why work for those who will cut people down and not explain the truth and dance around it to spin it making everything sound okay.

If you are one of my colleagues impacted reading this journal, I am truly sorry and please reach out and I will do whats in my power.

If you are at my company reading this, I hope you still keep your softness.

If you are a leader who made this decision. This is how you made me feel. Do what you will with this.

Hope is not a strategy, and yet when you have nothing else it gives you a way to move forward. While I collect myself I will make an effort to create a strategy to protect those who are left and those who I have built relationships and true friendships with. Until then I continue to hope and grieve.

~ Triforce