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  "description": "If happiness is a function of meaningful relationships, we should focus on those, right? 🤔",
  "path": "/forcing-yourself-to-be-sociable/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-07T06:00:08.000Z",
  "site": "https://www.gilespcroft.com",
  "tags": [
    "longest running study",
    "present in the presence of another",
    "value times of solitude",
    "think less, and live more",
    "Introversion as an excuseHow to avoid hiding behind labels, and watching life get smaller 🏷️The Daily RemindersGiles P Croft"
  ],
  "textContent": "Good relationships keep us happier and healthier, yeah?\n\nThe longest running study on happiness—that's been going since 1938!—said so. Across all the various domains they examined (including careers, achievement, money, class, IQ, even genetic makeup) they found that meaningful social connections correlated most strongly not only with a felt sense of contentment, but also physical and mental health, and overall longevity.\n\nOn the flip side, they found that ‘loneliness is a killer,’ putting it up there with smoking and alcoholism in terms of its effect on our health.\n\nPowerful stuff!\n\nThey also make very clear that it's not the _number_ of relationships you have, but their quality (i.e. you can experience loneliness in a crowd, or a conflict-ridden family situation), noting that divorce may be ‘better for you’ than staying in a loveless marriage.\n\nIf you'd like an easy-to-digest look into this quite astounding study (that, admittedly has been conducted on a small cohort of white U.S. males, born into a very specific epoch) then have a watch of this TED talk, from the current (and 4th!) Director of the study:\n\n## The call to action\n\nIt's only natural then, that the conclusion of all this work is to try and foster _better_ relationships, and if you read any commentary on the Harvard study, you'll see advice for improving relationships like:\n\n  * Make an effort to connect with friends and relatives on a regular basis\n  * Be a good listener when you're with other people\n  * Be supportive and forgiving, of others (and of yourself)\n  * Be positive – positivity strengthens relationships!\n\n\n\n…as well as general recommendations to avoid being alone at all costs. The message is that if you're feeling miserable, you need to get out of your comfort zone to be in social situations, because _relationships matter, people – it's the right thing to do!!_\n\nWhich all sounds fine and dandy, until you remember this inconvenient fact:\n\n🔑\n\n****Key Message**** :\n➤ ****100%**** of our feelings come from (the Principle of) Thought\n➤ ****0%**** of our feelings come from our circumstances\n\nEven the people running the study accept they can't demonstrate that good relationships _**cause**_ happiness and contentment, so given that here at the Daily Reminders we explore how stuff _actually_ works, let me ask you: what if it's the other way round?\n\n> **What if happiness and contentment result in better relationships?**\n\n🤔\n\n## Going out vs. going in\n\nWhen our minds are quieter, we're more naturally open, present and connected to all those things that we associate with the ‘flow state’, or ‘right brain consciousness’: wisdom, wellbeing, insight, intuition, creativity, possibility, perspective…\n\n**And other people.**\n\nWhen we're present in the presence of another, we're really _there_ —in reality with them, rather than in our heads!—and this is almost certainly what the famous Harvard study is measuring, when it finds the importance of ‘meaningful’ relationships to our health, across time.\n\nPresence comes first – you can't assume that it's manufactured from a crowd, and if you drag a miserable, insecure, head-full-of-stuff version of yourself into a social situation ‘in order to’ tackle that state of affairs, you're quite likely to make it worse (hence the lonely-in-a-crowd thing).\n\nIf you have even the faintest of ‘introvert’ tendencies—as we all do, at times (studies show that even those identifying as ‘extroverts’ value times of solitude)—and you're feeling low, you don't have to force yourself to be sociable, just ‘because it's good for you’.\n\nBe in tune with what's right for that moment – it may be something you do alone, it may be with others.\n\nIf you listen for it, wisdom will guide you towards whatever best helps you to ‘think less, and live more’.\n\n💖\n\nGiles\n\nSIGN UP FOR THE DAILY REMINDERS newsletter\n\nWant to start __every__ day with helpful, insightful content like this? The Daily Reminder is a quick, lighthearted email that arrives in your inbox every morning, to help keep you grounded in reality, so that you get to __‘Think less, and live more.’__\n\n __“They feel like a moment of stillness in a world of madness.” ~__ Neil, UK\n\n __“One of those small things with big impact. Honestly, just sign up!”__ ~ Paula, UK\n\nGET YOURS NOW\n\n### Related\n\nIntroversion as an excuseHow to avoid hiding behind labels, and watching life get smaller 🏷️The Daily RemindersGiles P Croft\n\nThere’s a ****Part 2**** to this Daily Reminder (just in case the Reader Ego Construct 📦 thought it was off the hook)! 😄",
  "title": "Forcing yourself to be sociable",
  "updatedAt": "2026-05-09T08:26:03.568Z"
}