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  "description": "This probably should have been a journal entry.",
  "path": "/the-struggle-is-real/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-04-08T17:57:46.000Z",
  "site": "https://theclutteredmouth.com",
  "tags": [
    "Orderof Hildegard"
  ],
  "textContent": "It's overwhelming.\n\nEverything. It's everything. Everywhere I\nlook, there is evil triumphing. In politics, religion, the economy... all of\nit. Everything that defines the course of who we are as a people and all of the\nthings that direct the course of our lives.\n\nI'm struck silent by the terror and\ntragedy that doesn't just occur, but has woven its way into our lives so\nthoroughly that we've normalized it.\n\nEvil is being normalized.\n\nEvery tweet, legislation, bomb, lie that\nwe endure is another step towards the normalization of this tire-fire that is\nthe current era we live in.\n\nLike David Dark says, we become what we\nnormalize.\n\nI'm sorrowful, shaken to my guts, and\nstripped of hope.\n\nI hesitate to even write this, because\nwhat good does it do? What darkness does it beat back? What can my writing do\nin the face of oppression, domination, and violence on a scale I don't ever\nremember seeing so starkly, done without remorse?\n\nI (try) to write against the powers and\nprincipalities of this world system, this evil empire, and shit keeps getting\nworse, worse, worse.\n\nA person can only cry out in the streets\nfor so long before I begin questioning if any of it matters, if the sound even\nreaches the ears of my neighbors, my family, my community.\n\nIt's just too much to handle.\n\nHope is far from me.\n\nDespair is catching at my heels.\n\nI struggle to see the point, wonder if\nthe effort is worth the fight.\n\nCapitalism is crushing me paycheck by\npaycheck.\n\nPatriarchy continues to rule in\ntyrannical ways.\n\nWhite supremacy has crawled out of the\nshadows and now struts the streets in broad daylight, proud of what it is.\n\nIf I sound bleak, it's because I am. I\nhurt internally; depression threatens to take me under the waves; panic sets in\nwith the force of a raging fire.\n\nI have to acknowledge what is going on in\nme and out there in the world. As bad as it is, honestly facing it is the only\nway to survive the onslaught. We can't go around it. Can't go over or under.\nGotta go through it.\n\nEven if it kills us.\n\nHowever...\n\nAs scorched earth as everything seems,\nthere is still fight left in me. It might be more spite than hope these days,\nbut still, I struggle on.\n\nStill, we struggle on.\n\nThe struggle matters. The struggle means\nthat empire hasn't won, hasn't stolen all hope, hasn't changed us so completely\nthat we abandon the ways of love.\n\nBut it hurts to hope. To feel my way to\nthe points of life and light means navigating the thornbushes of grief and\nsorrow. We can't get around the pain around us, the pain in us. We are a\nwounded people, and triage hurts. But it keeps us from bleeding out.\n\nSometimes all we can do to struggle\nagainst the death grip of empire is heal.\n\nMaybe there are enough voices calling out\nevil. Maybe there are enough watchmen on the walls, predicting when the next\nupheaval with come. Maybe—I pray it's so—there are enough journalists telling\nthe bold truth in our news cycles.\n\nPerhaps my voice isn't about naming\nempire. Could it be that what I can do, the way I can struggle against the\nraging dumpster fire that the world is caught up in right now, is to use a\nprophetic imagination to help people believe they can heal, even as the\nstruggle continues?\n\nI've always wanted to be a firebrand,\nsomeone with a voice like John the Baptizer, naming serpents and calling rulers\nto account for their sins. I've wanted a voice that echoes across the canyons\nand makes a difference on a large scale, because the large scale is so\nobviously ready to fall.\n\nBut when all we do is name evil as evil,\nwe normalize it as the enemy, and our enemy needs a face. So we demonize\npeople, writing them off as lost cause and convincing ourselves that these\npeople are the real enemies.\n\nCaptives in a system that demands they\nplay by its rules to survive need freedom just as much as anyone else.\n\nPeople aren't our enemies. They are our\nneighbors, made in the image of the divine, in need of liberation and freedom,\nno matter how entrenched in the system of violence and oppression they are.\n\nThey need healing.\n\nTo speak plainly:\n\nChristian nationalists need salvation,\ntriage, and transformation.\n\nWar mongers need to face the fear inside\nthemselves and heal from the trauma violence has caused in their lives and\nbodies.\n\nLiars need to know safety to speak\nhonestly without shame.\n\nThose grasping at power and dominance\nneed love modeled to them through story, song, and speech so they can come to\nknow security.\n\nMaybe I'm not a fiery prophetic voice in\nthe public sphere.\n\nCould it be that I'm a bit softer then,\ntouching wounds gently, gathering the hurting tenderly in my heart, lovingly\nwhispering hope?\n\nThe world needs healers and peacemakers\nright now. The world needs artists and poets. The world needs people who can\nsee that there is another way, another world, a rebirth and resurrection that\nwe can all go through.\n\nCuriosity and creativity can lead us into\nplaces where we can find transformation, heal from shame and trauma, and build\nsecurity.\n\nLately, I've been questioning the point\nof the chaplaincy program I'm in with the Orderof Hildegard. It has just seemed\nfrivolous to me, spending all this time developing skills I'm not even sure how\nI'll use. But, if I am being asked by the Spirit to be part of the triage,\nhealing, and rebuilding of people hurt by empire, if I am called to be a holder\nof hope, If I am being urged to remain soft and tender for the sake of my\nneighbor, then I need things like chaplaincy. I need things like poetry. I need\nthings like literature and art and beauty and nature preservation, and good\nfood, and everything that brings nourishment and joy to the body, mind, and\nsoul.\n\nMy struggle isn't against flesh and\nblood. My struggle is with myself, to remain curious, imaginative, creative,\nand open. My struggle is to remember hope so that I can whisper it to those\naround me, help them believe that what we see isn't the end all, help us heal\nfrom shame, trauma, navigating through lament and grief.\n\nYes, the struggle is real... but perhaps\nit's not the struggle I felt swallowing me whole. Maybe it's the struggle of\ngestation, the struggle of birth, the struggle of life. Maybe this is the\nstruggle of love, the struggle to love, to be like Jesus, unsullied by the\nworld's systems of dominance and violence—as much as I can be anyway.\n\nWhether it is a calling or a choice or a\nbit of both, this is a time for healers. There has been so much damage done to\nmy neighbors, so much hurt and fear and shame that permeates us all just by\nhaving to navigate these systems of power. But that isn't the end of the story.\nDeath never is. Dandelions still bloom and seed, and bumblebees still fly.\nThere are still songs to sing, poems to write, and healing work to do.\n\nLife is happening, and it means\neverything.\n\nIt's overwhelming.\n\n* * *\n\n### _Thank you for reading The Cluttered Mouth. This is an AI free, independent publication. If you like what you read today, think about subscribing or supporting._\n\nSubcribe and Support",
  "title": "The Struggle Is Real",
  "updatedAt": "2026-04-08T17:57:46.762Z"
}