2026-02-05

Content warning: SI

The thing with SI though, at least for me, is fundamentally philosophical. That’s something my therapist said she really couldn’t help me on, since it’s essentially a value judgement and belief, and I’ve read a lot more philosophy than she has, in this particular niche of life and death, antinatalism (relax, I don’t like benatar), and just recognizing suffering. At the end of the day life to me is still not worth living. The only metric that tips the scale is how much I can distract myself from the suffering of existence at a given moment. I know this sounds very emoedgelord, but it is not really. To me this is really just novice level knowledge of the world—that it is full of suffering, and we do with this information what we will. And I remain firm on the stance that we all end up subscribing to a level of psychopathy, ignoring atrocities for one’s personal wellbeing, as a coping mechanism. I don’t think it’s wrong; in fact, it is necessary, but at the same time sick to the bones and ever-present.

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