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  "path": "/farmer-buys-guardian-dog-to-protect-livestock-from-rfk-jr/",
  "publishedAt": "2026-04-28T13:00:00.000Z",
  "site": "https://theonion.com",
  "tags": [
    "News",
    "Animals",
    "RFK Jr",
    "Vol 62: Issue 17",
    "Farmer Buys Guardian Dog To Protect Livestock From RFK Jr.",
    "The Onion"
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  "textContent": "ROLAND, AR—Expressing frustration that the rabid Cabinet member had completely decimated the cattle inventory, local farmer Lindon Trelby told reporters he purchased a guard dog Tuesday to protect his livestock from Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. “I first knew something was getting into the pens when I found a tattered, bloody […]\n\nThe post Farmer Buys Guardian Dog To Protect Livestock From RFK Jr. appeared first on The Onion.",
  "title": "Farmer Buys Guardian Dog To Protect Livestock From RFK Jr."
}