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  "path": "/2026/05/magic-spells-as-shit-i-have-around-house.html",
  "publishedAt": "2026-05-30T11:40:42.908Z",
  "site": "https://riseupcomus.blogspot.com",
  "textContent": "Sufficiently advanced technology blah blah blah. But I do think it's helpful thinking of wizards as people with access to out-of-place technology as a way to conceptualize what they can do vs what they cannot. Yes, I can receive real-time updates about the collapse of my country. No, I cannot change the outcome.\n\nIf we define spells as modern technology given the appearance of classic spells, what does the wizard look like? How does _this_ Gandalf help Frodo get to Mordor? (He casts _Gun.)_\n\n---\n_I'm here to cast spells and eat your chips and you're all out of chips_\n\n\n\n**Ponder the Orb**\n\nYour crystal ball can display a vision of anything it has previously witnessed. It \"records\" 24/7.\n\nAdditionally, it has a number of slots that you can use to load \"recordings\" of your books, so that you can consult them as you travel.\n\nIf you are in your wizard sanctum, you have access to the Ether. While your crystal ball is attuned to the Ether, you can speak to other wizards also attuned to the Ether.\n\n**Flying Carpet**\n\nYour flying carpet hovers about 2' above the ground. It can carry practically as much weight as you can load on it. You must be sitting on the carpet it to pilot it and issue it you commands. The flying carpet must be recharged after every 317 miles traveled.\n\n**GUN!**\n\nYour wand fires magic missiles. This is an Attack that you add your Intelligence bonus to. It deals d12 damage, which explodes. It has 8 charges which you can refill in your sanctum.\n\n**Cauldron of Cooking**\n\nYour magic cauldron inconsistently heats anything placed into it after about a minute. Parts of soup will be frozen and parts boiling hot. Placing metal in the magic cauldron causes it to explode because iron is the bones of the Realm of Flesh and is anti-magic.\n\n**Box of Cold Ones**\n\nYour treasure chest is always freezing cold. Food kept inside it will be kept fresh for many days. Brewskies placed within are cold as the Rockies (which keeps the Brits from filching them).\n\n**Magic Torch**\n\nYour wand casts light equivalent to a bullseye lantern. It lasts for 350 turns.\n\n**Ring of Time Telling**\n\nWhen you glance at your ring, you know the precise time (down to the very second) and the day of the year. You can whisper dates to remember to your ring (mother's birthday, anniversaries, etc.) and it will buzz slightly to remind you when they near.\n\n\n",
  "title": "Magic Spells as Shit I Have Around the House",
  "updatedAt": "2026-05-30T11:40:42.908Z"
}