{
  "$type": "site.standard.document",
  "canonicalUrl": "https://hypersubject.net/entries/2026/04/i-didnt-quit",
  "path": "/entries/2026/04/i-didnt-quit",
  "publishedAt": "2026-04-21T16:01:17.000Z",
  "site": "at://did:plc:32534e3a5wza2m3omyuflhm3/site.standard.publication/3mnmnwcnftk2i",
  "tags": [
    "personal"
  ],
  "textContent": "i decided to quit smoking on april 19 almost two months ago. i told my wife,\nmy colleagues, my friends. the week before the 19th, i smoked all my cigarettes\nmindfully, knowing that i wouldn't have this sensation soon.\n\non april 19th, i didn't quit. \n\nthis post is now at a crossroads: i will either self-rationalize not quitting\nsmoking by saying i have this or i have that, or self-flagellate complaining\nabout my weak will or never-ending akrasia.\n\ni've been smoking since i was fifteen. it was cool, relieving and connecting.\nit still is. smoking is always an excuse to get out of a crowded space and look\nat the sky for 5 minutes. it's always a chance to talk with a stranger just by\nasking \"do you have a lighter?\"\n\nso, why do i want to quit? \n\ni'm worried about my health. i'm thirty years old now. not like i'm old, but i'm\nat the age where it makes sense to think about this stuff. 30 is an opportune\nage to quit smoking. but it looks like april 19 was not the opportune\nmoment.\n\nso, is this it? do i give up? \n\nno. but i've learned enough about myself not to self-flagellate in these\nmoments. i think i even enjoy self-flagellation. i will allow myself the time\nand space to stop. but there will be some changes.\n\nfirst of all, i'm not going to smoke at home. at all. i was primarily smoking\noutside anyway, but i made it a habit to smoke in meetings. this stops today.\n\nsecond, i'm not going to finish any cigarette that i'm not enjoying. sometimes\ni feel like i don't enjoy 99% of the cigarettes i smoke in a day. if i'm not\nenjoying it, why should i smoke it?\n\nwe'll see.",
  "title": "i didn't quit"
}